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Sunday, November 29, 2015

Tim Tebow vs. Josh Duggar: Purity Culture

 Two famous men who publicly espoused saving sex until marriage because of Christian beliefs, have both made the news recently--because of sex. But for very different reasons.

Tim Tebow (28), the former Broncos quarterback allegedly got dumped by his girlfriend of two months, Olivia Culpo (23), a Miss Universe model for staying true to his chastity beliefs.

Josh Duggar (27) made news this year for having sexually touched his younger sisters while a teen, then joining the affair dating site Ashley Madison, and  sleeping with prostitutes. All while married to a sweet woman and fathering four children.

Why did saving sex until marriage turn out so very differently?

Now a disclaimer here, I don't know Tim Tebow personally. And for all I know, next week a news story about him sacrificing small kittens on pagan altars could come out, and that's why Olivia really broke up with him. But, given the information we know, these are the main differences I see between Tim Tebow's chastity vs. Josh Duggar's purity culture.

1. Control Others vs. Control Yourself
      The Duggars monologue about what girls should wear, chaperone every date, and encourage quick courtships and engagements to make sure no one has sex. Michelle Duggar wrote a long blogpost about why wives need to give their husbands lot of sex to make sure their man doesn't cheat. Control the world, because we could never expect a man to control his own urges.
     One look at Olivia's instagram shows you she wore next to nothing a lot. If Josh Duggar had dated Olivia and something sexual had happened, Jim Bob and Michelle probably would have blamed the girl for defrauding him.
     Tebow, on the other hand, had beliefs about chastity and stuck by them. What his ex-girlfriend chose to do or wear was no excuse to him. He was trying to control himself, not her. And apparently he succeeded.

2. High Standards for Others vs. Highest Standards for Yourself
         Josh Duggar viewed porn, had affairs, and slept with prostitutes. Do you think if his wife had done any of that, Josh would have stood for that? No way. Josh Duggar wanted a pure wife, but he himself didn't care about being pure.
       Tebow, on the other hand, was willing to date a woman who obviously had lower chastity standards, but he held himself to a higher chastity standard because that's what he wanted for him. He focused on his own standards for himself, not on making anyone else conform.

3. Doesn't Have Self-Control vs. Does Have Self-Control
      Josh Duggar obviously believed pre-marital sex, molesting his sisters, porn, and cheating weren't good ideas. But given the chance to do them, he jumped at it. Tebow believes in chastity and he kept his convictions. Some people on twitter are saying, just look at that very attractive woman's very scantily-clad instagram pictures. Tebow must not even be attracted to women or have any sexual urges.
       Baloney. It's called self-control. And Tebow has it. Josh Duggar doesn't.

       And I think that's the thing I admire most about Tebow in this situation. Self-control. You will need sexual self-control to make any relationship last long-term. For example, you'll need the self-control to not cheat on your spouse.
       Did you know that statistically the time husbands are most likely to cheat on their wife is while she is pregnant? Guess those cheating men didn't have the self-control to survive the unsexiness of morning sickness. Would they have had the self-control to not accept a sexual offer from a Miss Universe model? Probably not.
      So if you decide to practice chastity, or to teach your children to practice chastity, don't make it about controlling others. Make it about self-control. Because Tim Tebow is a much, much better guy than Josh Duggar.

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