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Sunday, November 29, 2015

Tim Tebow vs. Josh Duggar: Purity Culture

 Two famous men who publicly espoused saving sex until marriage because of Christian beliefs, have both made the news recently--because of sex. But for very different reasons.



Tim Tebow (28), the former Broncos quarterback allegedly got dumped by his girlfriend of two months, Olivia Culpo (23), a Miss Universe model for staying true to his chastity beliefs.

Josh Duggar (27) made news this year for having sexually touched his younger sisters while a teen, then joining the affair dating site Ashley Madison, and  sleeping with prostitutes. All while married to a sweet woman and fathering four children.

Why did saving sex until marriage turn out so very differently?

Now a disclaimer here, I don't know Tim Tebow personally. And for all I know, next week a news story about him sacrificing small kittens on pagan altars could come out, and that's why Olivia really broke up with him. But, given the information we know, these are the main differences I see between Tim Tebow's chastity vs. Josh Duggar's purity culture.


1. Control Others vs. Control Yourself
      The Duggars monologue about what girls should wear, chaperone every date, and encourage quick courtships and engagements to make sure no one has sex. Michelle Duggar wrote a long blogpost about why wives need to give their husbands lot of sex to make sure their man doesn't cheat. Control the world, because we could never expect a man to control his own urges.
     One look at Olivia's instagram shows you she wore next to nothing a lot. If Josh Duggar had dated Olivia and something sexual had happened, Jim Bob and Michelle probably would have blamed the girl for defrauding him.
     Tebow, on the other hand, had beliefs about chastity and stuck by them. What his ex-girlfriend chose to do or wear was no excuse to him. He was trying to control himself, not her. And apparently he succeeded.

2. High Standards for Others vs. Highest Standards for Yourself
         Josh Duggar viewed porn, had affairs, and slept with prostitutes. Do you think if his wife had done any of that, Josh would have stood for that? No way. Josh Duggar wanted a pure wife, but he himself didn't care about being pure.
       Tebow, on the other hand, was willing to date a woman who obviously had lower chastity standards, but he held himself to a higher chastity standard because that's what he wanted for him. He focused on his own standards for himself, not on making anyone else conform.

3. Doesn't Have Self-Control vs. Does Have Self-Control
      Josh Duggar obviously believed pre-marital sex, molesting his sisters, porn, and cheating weren't good ideas. But given the chance to do them, he jumped at it. Tebow believes in chastity and he kept his convictions. Some people on twitter are saying, just look at that very attractive woman's very scantily-clad instagram pictures. Tebow must not even be attracted to women or have any sexual urges.
       Baloney. It's called self-control. And Tebow has it. Josh Duggar doesn't.

       And I think that's the thing I admire most about Tebow in this situation. Self-control. You will need sexual self-control to make any relationship last long-term. For example, you'll need the self-control to not cheat on your spouse.
       Did you know that statistically the time husbands are most likely to cheat on their wife is while she is pregnant? Guess those cheating men didn't have the self-control to survive the unsexiness of morning sickness. Would they have had the self-control to not accept a sexual offer from a Miss Universe model? Probably not.
      So if you decide to practice chastity, or to teach your children to practice chastity, don't make it about controlling others. Make it about self-control. Because Tim Tebow is a much, much better guy than Josh Duggar.

Thursday, November 5, 2015

Enter to WIN "What's a Forever Family?"

           The anticipated sequel of What's a Foster Family? is now in print.  You can buy What's a Forever Family? on Amazon: http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Forever-Family
           Check out the first book here: http://www.amazon.com/Whats-Foster-Family

Or enter to WIN an electronic copy by commenting below.


Book Blurb
On Tuesday, Bonnie’s brothers arrived.
“We’re twins,” said Charlie.
“But I’m bigger,” said Harry.
“No, you’re not,” said Charlie. He punched Harry.
Harry whacked Charlie back.
“Don’t hit,” Alex told them.
They both stuck their tongues out at Alex.
In this sequel to What's a Foster Family?, elementary-school-aged Alex York is about to gain not one, not two, but three forever siblings. But becoming a forever family isn't quite as smooth a road as Alex envisioned.

Endorsements:

           The story shows shows how life gets more complicated—but more interesting—when children are added to the family. Kids will love the adventure led by two mischievous foster children, while learning what to do in case of an emergency.
~Lydia R. Shoaf

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Enter to WIN Advance E-Copy of the Plum Pudding Bride

The Plum Pudding Bride is here. In print! You can pre-order a copy on Amazon now: http://www.amazon.com/Pudding-Bride. It will be delivered to your kindle, December 1st.


Want to read it before that? Post a comment below to enter to WIN an advance e-copy.

Here's the blurb and a short excerpt.

Patience Callahan is twenty-five and fast becoming an old maid. But she’s spent most of her life dreaming over romantic European literature and wants a dashing d’Artagnan, not a bookish Bob Cratchit. Alas, the Colorado town of Gilman’s chock-full of Cratchit’s without a d’Artagnan in sight.
Peter Foote, the general store owner, has been in love with Patience for seven years. But every time he’s on the verge of proposing, she cuts him off; he can only imagine on purpose. This time though, dadburn it, he’s going to go through with it.
Ring in hand, he’s moments from touching knee to floor, when Patience pulls out a list of mail-order bride advertisements and declares her intention of marrying a backwoods stranger on Christmas Day.
He’s got two weeks to change her mind.


The first page of Plum Pudding Bride

         There she was, the girl he’d loved for seven years. And she was sorting preserve cases at his store, as she’d done for the last four years. She stood not six paces from him, and yet so far away.
          Peter’s fingers squeezed the ring box in his jacket. This time he was going to go through with it, no matter if she pointedly changed the subject, or hastily found excuses to be elsewhere, or pushed other eligible young women at him. Dadburn it, today he’d have his answer, a “yay” or a “nay” instead of living in this wretched bog of uncertainty.
         The store had already closed. He just needed to grate the key in the locks while Patience tidied the shelves. The falling winter sun made long shadows on the floor between them. Now she had put down the strawberry preserves and taken an inventory list. She moved towards the mercantile section.
          His heavy boots clomped on the hardwood floor, but his heart clomped louder. His fingers tightened around the red velvet box. It was a white gold ring and a miner’s cut diamond. Size six, as he’d discovered four years ago when he’d stolen her glove.
           Patience’s brown hair twisted back around her ears. She always complained it lay too flat, and said her younger sister teased her about having a mottled complexion. But he’d never seen hair shine like hers, and her soft skin set off brown eyes that possessed a luster no girl in Gilman could match. And her smile. Oh, her smile. She could turn Antarctica into the tropics by just curving her lips.
           A head-high shelf of baking perishables hemmed them in on one side while bolts of fabric made up the other side of the narrow aisle.
          “Patience Callahan, will you,” Peter slid the box out of his pocket, and started to lower one knee to the ground.
           Her gaze flicked to the ring box. “Why, Peter,” she stepped into him, blocking all attempts at kneeling. “I’ve been meaning to tell you my news.”
           Her long fingers were slender. Yet, they could move lickety-split when sorting spools or organizing canned goods.
           “I just received this.” Patience tugged a newspaper clipping out of her pocket along with a small daguerreotype. “This is Arnie Dehaven. He’s a Montana rancher. I’ve answered his mail-order bride advertisement and I’m marrying him.”



What do you think, does Peter Foote get the girl? Should he? You can pre-order a copy here: http://www.amazon.com/Pudding-Bride