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Saturday, November 15, 2014

Why Are Romance Heroines So . . . Naive?

In my last post I told you that I wrote a spoof of a bodice-ripper romance  in the form of a series of letters between the romance heroine and a mental health professional. 

Haven't read part 1 of The Girl in a Romance Novel yet? Read it here.

Disclaimer: Bodice-rippers may have been read in the making of this short story. 


Dear Counselor,

            Heeding your advice, I am dutifully riding towards port and my ill-tempered groom. You said that my life would become much too dull if I took the sensible option, and became a self-sustaining healer. That advice confuses me, but—
            Oh my word! There are horses thundering towards the port. The warriors have blue designs on their bare skin. It’s either highland war paint or pirate tattoos. I’m not sure which. Swords are clashing. The captain of my guard yells at me to flee to the hills.
I charge forward instead. I will put my sword skills to good use.
            The biggest highlander/pirate roars something in an unknown language that I’m actually quite familiar with. My aging groom was helpful on that score as well.
            My guards, cowardly fellows that they are, have thrown their swords down. The big highlander/pirate, I’ll call him “Hero” even though he’s more of a villain, threw a sweaty arm around my waist and is now announcing that I’m his.
Fortunately, I still have a knife in my leg sheath. Should I:

A.                 Uppercut to the heart, and as he stumbles back gushing blood, jump on his horse and ride away? (I’ve never killed a man, and since my guards are still captive, I wouldn’t want these barbarians to take revenge on my men.)
B.                 Knick the male parts of his anatomy, which are all too exposed by his pirate loincloth/kilt? When he falls to the ground in pain, I can jump on his horse and ride away.
C.                 Stay put, concealing my knife for later use? This could give me a chance to save my guards.

Write back quickly. I don’t have much time to ponder the situation.

~The Girl in a Romance Novel

Want to read the entire short story? Just click on my "sign up for newsletter" icon on the righthand side and I'll send you a copy right away. (And I promise I won't spam you with tons of emails.)

Read part 1 of The Girl in a Romance Novel here.
And read part 3 here.

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